Richmond sausages and the Brexit Culture Wars

A searing insight into the yawning cultural chasm between the two camps has been offered by Emily James of ad agency Rainey Kelly Campbell Roalfe/Y&R. She looked at the brand preferences that were most likely predict which way someone voted in the referendum in an awesome piece of clickbait for Campaign. She writes:

Using YouGov Profiles we have explored the relationship between brand consumption and claimed voting behaviour in the referendum.  From a statistical perspective, accounting for both the differential and size of customer base, the brands that are most likely to determine whether someone voted Leave or Remain in the referendum are listed below.

This inspired me to help heal the deep rifts in our society. I have readers from both sides and so, in the spirit of mutual understanding, I will explain these products. Having regard to the different cultural touchpoints of each side will bring us closer to reconciling our divided nation.

Top 10 Leave brands explained for Remainers

1. HP Sauce – delicious molasses and vinegar based condiment which is a popular accompaniment to fried bacon or Richmond sausages.
2. Bisto – Onion powder, salt and starch granules, which are mixed with boiling water to create a sauce, usually poured on to Richmond sausages. Distantly related to a jus.
3. ITV News – like BBC news, but paid-for by adverts. From the channel that brought you X Factor. 
4. The Health Lottery – smaller version of National Lottery, operated by colourful publisher of the Daily Express Richard Desmond. Health benefits to players unproven. 
5. Birds Eye – maker of comforting breadcrumb coated cod goujons known as Fish Fingers eaten as an alternative to Richmond sausages. 
6. Iceland – supermarket which specialises in frozen foods (cf Birds Eye) at low, low prices. Mums often found there. Richmond sausages can be found in the chilled foods department.  
7. Sky News – Large satellite news channel operated out of Brentford. Owned by Antipodean news magnate, Rupert Murdoch.
8. Cathedral City- Cheddar type cheese manufactured by Dairy Crest in Davidstow, Cornwall. Wikipedia points out Davidstow has neither city status nor a cathedral. Often found on special offer in Iceland. 
9. PG Tips – bitter tasting black tea much-loved by builders. Usually served in a mug with a bit of milk and 4-6 teaspoons of sugars. Distantly related to darjeeling, assam. 
10. Richmond sausages – pink sausages presented in attractive packaging. Shrink alarmingly when cooked. See HP Sauce and Bisto for popular accompaniments. 

According to Emily James, Leave Brands more likely to be seen as: Traditional, straightforward, simple, down-to-earth, good value and friendly

Rowland Report translation: Staid, unchallenging, basic, common, cheap, twee

Top 10 Remain brands explained for Leavers

1. BBC.co.uk – extensive and informative entertainment and news website run by overpaid la-di-da liberals and lefties. Lavishly funded by your TV License. 
2. BBC iPlayer – means of liberals and lefties catching up with the output of BBC on their expensive gadgets without having to pay for a TV Licence. 
3. Instagram – social network where celebrities and young people share pictures of cats, their dinner and clothes in a bid to fill the profound emptiness in their lives.  
4. London Underground – Victorian subway system which ferries whinging metropolitans to their overpaid jobs. 
5. Spotify - A big jukebox on the internet. 
6. Airbnb – Website allowing people to run a hotel business without the red tape or cost of running an  hotel. Also a popular way for rich people in cities to monetise the already colossal housing wealth they have accumulated through no skill of their own.  
7. LinkedIn – Website which allows ambitious people to try to find a better job than the one they have now through the 'creative' presentation of their achievements
8. Virgin Trains – Operator of strange smelling trains on the West Coast mainline. 
9. Twitter - Social network where people insult each other in as few words as possible. Facts optional. 
10. EasyJet – Slightly posher version of Ryan Air

Remain Brands more likely to be seen as: Progressive, up-to-date, visionary, innovative, socially responsible, intelligent

Rowland Report translation: Self-satisfied, faddy, unrealistic, patronising, smug.